Well, if there’s anyone you’d like to alienate, I’m the person you want to see for advice. Or maybe you don’t even want to see me for that; that’s how good I am in this alienating thing. I’m just sorry I didn’t found out this sooner – I’m twenty and already in college, because if I weren’t you can bet your ass I’d get a job like George Clooney in “Up in The Air”. That’s totally my thing; getting people down and making them hate me. Can you imagine, I’d do the one thing I’m good at, I’d be paid for it and I’d travel the world.
This may sound cocky, but believe me it’s not. It’s pure reality! I know I’m full of myself most of the time – it is part of my alienating talent – but I’m pretty sure of this one. More than skeptical about people, I am now cynical. I went from being disappointed by everyone around me to being the disappointment itself. Wow, am I good or what?I can tell you need some facts right now, it seems like I’m talking bullshit here. If you know me, then you’re already aware that I am neither nice nor sweet, I don’t like physical contact and I don’t smile much. I can be pretty arrogant and I have problems with authority figures. But this marked innate ability of mine has been worked and shaped to the point where even my closest ancestor tells me I should stop visiting them at all – I’m like that dark cloud that sets some awkward mood; I am a bad company, always getting in trouble with everyone and not letting them rest on weekends. Furthermore, I was told that if I really need to go to the house I used to live in then I should get in my fucking car and disappear during the day. I think it’s a great accomplishment when you’re only twenty and your progenitor tells you you’re incapable of showing affection or any kind of emotions, thus being incapable of being part of any relationship. I’m often asked how do I even keep the few friends I have; I don’t have a clue, but I promise I’m not paying them in any way.This conversation ended with a very curious phrase: I just hope you’ll never have kids. I never thought about that, I have no idea of what I’ll do with my life (besides dreaming about getting a job like Clooney’s). I don’t think I’d be a good parent; I don’t even know what a good parent is. But I definitely know what a bad one is; someone set the perfect example of what I will never become. And no kid of mine would ever write shit like this.Don’t get me wrong, I am very glad of everything that has ever happened to me. I don’t feel damaged or broken; I feel like I have something more than anyone else, like I have a different aptitude above average ability. As Henry Miller said, “One’s destination is never a place but a new way of seeing things” - and I just reached my place.
